i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
