i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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