we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
