girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Never underestimate the power of titties
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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