I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
