i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
