No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How does one acquire holy water?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
