apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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