Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
