sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't deserve a penis
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
