porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
