I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
