U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
