great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
