Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
