2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
