when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize