your thong is hanging out like whoa
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
