I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
