We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They are going to name an STD after you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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