Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
