I think I just saw someone hide a body.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
