dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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