38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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