Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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