looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize