I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you win again, gameday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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