they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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