How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
