I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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