this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize