You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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