turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
