don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
