I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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