She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
