Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Holy shit dude........stairs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
