I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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