try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
