Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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