you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
