Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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