I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize