found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
