No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
