now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
