After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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