We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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