There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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