thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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