bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
