That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
