Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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