So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
