i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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