I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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