While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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