Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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