He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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