Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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