my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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