Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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